I tell my people they couldn't lose my acceptance I tell my people they are more than their damage I tell my people they could never let me down I tell my people you'll be okay I tell my people you'll make it through I tell my people because they're not me You're not the only one that says I'm not less than I can't make me believe you Because it can't just be in my head It's in this cracking down below It's this ache, this ache... I tell my people what I need to hear But my troubled walk fucks with my mind

YOU: -Must kill bigots. -Margin walker. -Hungry Survivor. -Nice to your waiters. -Like spiders more than babies. -Freaks out on opposite days. -Want to turn a house into a show. ME: -Human entertainment. -Nice to our waiters. -An alchemist with nothing to make gold. -But I know me. -I am any other rarity. -waiting for demand. -buried underground. Clutching a torch not trying to lead Just lost in the night and trying to see So read for days There's asterisks on these lines and footnotes we’ll never find

Hell is other people And our measurements Swordfights daily With me and you Everyone is sculpted I'm devouring my son Swordfights daily In my mirror “I, I GET TO LIVE AND ALL THAT YOUR HATE SAYS TO ME IS MY LOVE IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT" but I don’t go by what he says Swordfights daily Over myself Swinging without aiming Swinging without thinking Cutting without blinking Cutting everything I love you, I love you I can't believe you I'm in here, I'm in here I can't believe you I hear you, I understand I can't believe you I don't care but I'm trying to

Run a white flag up: Red heart centered, “Inquire Within” in black words over Meant as a one-on-one surrender Seen as a threat by all invaders They came down like birds from wires And told me I needed to make bread “There's no love, just wanting ways out” “And no friends, just what you can give them” Don't believe them There's heat in here that's rare to find No invaders can get inside No invaders can get inside Anyways, that’s what I’d tell them Good luck to feel like a coach winning everything To see advice Brought to life To feel so high to lose that high to prying eyes A fit young face Invades your life To leave shit in your brain Grimacing at you They just pass by Cut to shreds With no use For all that advice And it repeats in your mind Hundreds of times And you are left to spend your days just not knowing what to say not knowing what to say

I could sing and I could run All at once when I was young I tried to love someone who couldn’t let it survive But guess what? That force is still inside me! I want to let it wash over my scars as I scream: I WILL LOVE AGAIN, THIS IS MY PUNK ROCK

I remember what you told me "I can't even diss you" "You're one of the strongest people I know" "I'm so proud of you" "Even when you're not there, you're there" "You matter endlessly" "I love you and fuck all of this" "I love you too" "I love you" You heal me

What good is sensual when you can’t trust your senses I can't just act on what's only in my mind I want you to tell me I'm more than water in your ears and that you see me in the Patterns when you close your eyes Feel Wanted

I felt the forests of washington under my skin For seven years as of time of writing covered in chicken shit, walking through mud To the cabin opposite of where I said it was Watching the bushes, calmly rehearsing A story I would never have to tell new friends Living out another obligation from your life I'd love to be able to do more of that A first person drawing of a hospital room A letter awaiting response I'd never send Waving back at me just before you left Playing breadcrumb trail on the hotel bed Driving out to the ranch to laugh and spit Thinking about you sending everyone away and Telling me the most fucked up and brave truth And I wasted it in another song New applicants, please understand I've felt like exploding since I was young Trying to pull my chest wide open I understand it now as a fire he set I understand my fear is keeping it lit Maybe that's why he told my mother I was going to be fine In the biggest moments I've had in my life Sometimes I think it's better that you're dead, dad Your children are hiding, from themselves and sunlight You'd have to see your brother lose again I can't know how we would ever get along But for now your surprise still holds on to those names I'll never hear again by looking like you as much as I can And one line here for Frank My adopted grandfather And one line here for Rosa and Minnie The first dogs I really loved And one line here for Bonnie A lion I will never be as strong as And one line here for Joseph A soldier I fear I won't see again And five more family died since I started writing this song So listen I have run off sisters I burden my mother I'm running out of elders I drown in brothers And I have to think about how I'll break their heart So I can write real love songs Odes to the strong and the beautiful Who confirmed I was ever alive New applicants, please understand I will make all of them proud New applicants, please understand They're why the price of admission is high New applicants, please understand I've wrote out in detail what I survived New applicants, please understand Be worth that, or stand aside