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New Applicants

from Hard J by Jung Manhater

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lyrics

I felt the forests of washington under my skin
For seven years as of time of writing
covered in chicken shit, walking through mud
To the cabin opposite of where I said it was
Watching the bushes, calmly rehearsing
A story I would never have to tell new friends
Living out another obligation from your life
I'd love to be able to do more of that

A first person drawing of a hospital room
A letter awaiting response I'd never send
Waving back at me just before you left
Playing breadcrumb trail on the hotel bed
Driving out to the ranch to laugh and spit
Thinking about you sending everyone away and
Telling me the most fucked up and brave truth
And I wasted it in another song

New applicants,
please understand
I've felt like exploding since I was young
Trying to pull my chest wide open
I understand it now as a fire he set
I understand my fear is keeping it lit
Maybe that's why he told my mother
I was going to be fine

In the biggest moments I've had in my life
Sometimes I think it's better that you're dead, dad
Your children are hiding, from themselves and sunlight
You'd have to see your brother lose again
I can't know how we would ever get along
But for now your surprise still holds on
to those names I'll never hear again
by looking like you as much as I can

And one line here for Frank
My adopted grandfather
And one line here for Rosa and Minnie
The first dogs I really loved
And one line here for Bonnie
A lion I will never be as strong as
And one line here for Joseph
A soldier I fear I won't see again

And five more family died since I started writing this song
So listen

I have run off sisters
I burden my mother
I'm running out of elders
I drown in brothers
And I have to think about how I'll break their heart
So I can write real love songs
Odes to the strong and the beautiful
Who confirmed I was ever alive

New applicants, please understand
I will make all of them proud
New applicants, please understand
They're why the price of admission is high
New applicants, please understand
I've wrote out in detail what I survived
New applicants, please understand
Be worth that, or stand aside

credits

from Hard J, released May 26, 2017

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Jung Manhater San Diego, California

The best songwriter in San Diego, CA.

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